Love Lost. New Lows

Well It has been sometime since my last post.My first post as well...Okay here it is I do not know If i said I had family Staying with me before This is making my GirlFriend ...I do not know mean to me and everyone She is on the computer like 80% of the day and if me or My family member is on it when she wishes to be on She flips out like she has people to talk to.

Okay as said before We went through some Rocky times with this other female thing I was talking about before. Now she is always online mailing men from online sites Who are looking for sex and or Girl friends and so on. But I am the bad guy She is doing what she said I did pretty much. So it is somewhat annoying to me. She goes on time to time About how she hates me and Still can't forgive me for this thing I! did.

Tonight she was on the phone since the Family member was on the computer (that is his kinda) And she was telling her sister how she wants us both out And She did better with out me when I was in the Hospital. She wsa doing better Struggling then When I was gone But now I am back she feeling I make her life misirabile..She talks on how she hates me and so on and so on.

She say's Things like I should leave her again and go with my mother To live with her I will be honest this..When she speaks like this it hurts my feelings but what makes it worst is she says things infront of..People who come to my house So I can't Cry it out of Hurt her I wont lie about it I am so tempted to punch her in the face sometimes but I am not that kind of male so...What can I do?

I think about leaving like she asks Me (Or tells me I should Say Cammands and orders me) But I have no where to go at all...I am young black male Normal Biuld not fat not Skinny at all I rarely Work any more. I am not hung like A horse so I can't Use sex to get what I want. ...Places I have been offered to go are.. Somewhere in pa...Or Ohio Two People are willing in ohio but only one has a place of ther own. Washiton....Mississippi..(Maybe) I think those are then only places I have...to go maybe if I have any.

Thinking about LEaving I am always brought to Tears I love my Children I think about the benefits of leaving then I think about the downside of never seeing my Son growing up..Missing out on everyday of his life..My daughters life My sons...What kind of man will there mother be with will he treat them right? Love them right? not hurt them....This makes me stay...I do not know what else I can do about anything like..Well with my life.

Right now She is trying to ban me from the computer I have been a Net guy for along time no way in hell Am I giving it up for her knowing she is going to stay on it speaking to these men. I spoke to her about me Gettign Circumcised Saying I was only thinking about it she said she does not care if i do it or not. But hen I told Her I wont do it. She gets upset (jokingly It seems) Saying things like I think your Scared I laugh and say Hell yeah Ot will hurt. And if I get a hard on it shall hurt like Hell. Due to the skin being there my Dick head has that extra senetive Feel about it I know sex would be different if I lost the Foreskin because when I am fucking I use the feeling of the head of my cock to like Cum Cause it feels so so good lol. So I do not know..I doubt I shall Get it Done.

Another Funny things she talks about how she wishs to marry me and then she talks about all this stuff (I wrote prior) So..I mean what the hell? I assume life with me is so bad..I make her hate me That is all I can think.

I would love feed badck on this from anyone ..Have a nice day.

Thoughts

Okay So far life is alright I have my kids my Girl a house (Rent) A job (part time work two days a week sometimes one.) uh...Lets see I guess I am healthy lol I know I have no STD's at all so that is a plus and as Far as I know my girl doesn't Cheat on me. I am however bored with the life I lead. Like ok This life I have is so Vanilla. Plain and sometimes abit depressing ,like I have my Girl Friend she is mainly into alot of normal stuff She is Pretty great sexually pleasing though boring with day to day things. We have alot of kids and it gives us no chance to do things like normal couples should. Like Go out to the clubs go to movies (we watch movies on the net sometimes though) Eat out You know Do normal things like that. Recently we hit a snag in our relationship Something that involved another Female And it almost destroyed us. So now were trying to work things back together though I am finding it hard. She has changed alot She tries to keep me in the house keep me locked up like a prisoner I can't Talk to anyone eespecially a female Cause if I do I am planing to cheat or something Truth be told I am not. But her thoughts are saying I am. Now on the boring part I am bored with her like Okay I like having Choices in anything and everything I do. This inclued sex with different partners (all females) So you know. That makes our relationship so hard to do...To deal with At times I wish to leave But we have these kids and I wont lie I cry when I think Of them growing up with out me It kill me alot. so I do not leave I just stay and allow things to go how they are. Like We argue and she says things like She wishes I would leave and never come back she wishes I never came back into her life. She had a better life with out me. This and that and this If you have heard it once you have heard it all before. Now this is all stuff that hurts me Deeply but what Can I do leave? Miss out of my kids?...That shit would hurt like..I don't know nothing I have ever felt before. Well okay that is all for now. time to get back to my daily life. I shall continue later.