New bull shit

Alright..Well Lets see nothing happening now..Well family stuff? My cousin wants to chill with m all the time. my girl don't want m with him..All he talk about is getting drunk and playing ps3 well there is nothing wrong with playing ps3 but I am not into the drinking shit and getting twisted..Dude tells me he gonna come to my house with a 30 pack..Okay I thought this dude knew me? Why I want him to be drinking around or with me..I am more into being alone first of all..Second I am not trying to hear him get loud and drunk with anyone Anyway my girl aint feeling it..Chilling with him she hate him and his wife..And my girl keep telling me about the past when he said he would hit my girl or something I am trying to remember it...but I can't but if she said it happen it did.. Now I would hang with him but I been so dpressed and I am not trying to hang with any one unless they can satisfy my needs..

Family Problems

Aight...Aight..Well at the home sted..shit is just sucking.. I mean ok this bitch she wants to get married that is ok..but also she wants another baby!! we just had another one this shit is killing me she don't understand all. I mean I want to go out and chill even if it is all alone I don't want to take my kids with me every where I go I want to go out and do me. I stay home I am a good dad I do what is needed to be done all the time. I want to be able to go around in my house alone go to my room and be by my self or go and play some games on my 360 I wanna save money to buy a ps3 and whatever else I might want I can't do that by having more and more babies..I can't do that shit. I..can't do that shit I am about ready to move with my mom..And just call it a day..and I can't move with my mom she got nothing like I got nothing I be another burden on her if I did..but I can't be staying if I am just having babies..It's not even that I am done having kids I just don't want no more with her right now..I wanna be free and relax and be cool ...I don't drink but I wanna go to the bar chill and whatever..I wish I was single..

ARGH!!

Okay It's been awhile since I been on this name I suppose And awhile since I wrote about my family. So far what's going on is My mom has no where to live They took her kids her life is sucking more then mine. My spouse just gave birth to another baby that makes seven kids I take care of five of them mine and eating away at me killing me slowly. I am going crazy and crazier all the damn time. I can't even explain it cause it feels like I am saying the same shit over and over again that's how ridiclous it is really. My Sons all whine and scream like someone is killing them when they get mad or some dumb shit. My 360 is broken I feel so unnecessary So unneeded worthless. I am taking these pills I have not took in awhile and they didn't help at all when I did take them. Makes me feel like nothing works. Good this is I have a lawyer for my ssi bull shit...I dunno though I might not get it and I shall push further into depression I have no money I have nothing...I am pretty much nothing..

This other girl shit. It hasn't ended at all it's ridiculous I know it hurt her and I was trying to help a friend in need and the friend ends up being a crazy fuck who was trying to tell my girl I was fuckign her and she having a baby by me and she is not mind you. Now yes she is having a baby but not mine and yes with a black guy too. But my girl keeps nagging on about it. Saying I know you did things I know this and that that and this. My thing is Bitch I am with you what the fuck leave it alone. Stop bitching I am with you and you having another baby I do not want that shit you did. And I gave it..What the fuck? I am seriously thinking once I get my Check to move to the next city and just see my kids every now and again..I can't take the stress I get it is fucking killer. And I have not been having sex so that is not helping me in any way at all.

My Birthday week

Well I shall say this I did not think anything was going to happen on my b-day and I was right nothing happened not even the littlest things. I thought maybe Me and My Girl would well Fuck like Rabbits or I get my dick sucked hard or some shit..But no nothing happened at all I was some what amazed. Then the next day I had to work and the day after that and so on..So I mean Hell I got some money I guess...Maybe I shall buy myself something next..Wish I could find a cheap whore lol..No no Just kidding there.

There is this one chick I been talking to online but she knows my girl not in person only online so I wont fuck with her any way..Though I have met her and On the Real I would love to fuck her just lemme hit it from the back!!! FUCK! Man nothing is really happening though..MY other Friend from ohio T. She is Cool We need to hook up she is older like 50 but still we are like a good fucking match..I hit her pussy with the Wrath of GOD I'd Fill her pussy to the brim. But that wont happen for along time so. I'ma chill with it.

Another Sexless And Sleepless night

Well This was an night We stayed up for awhile talking me and My girl Waiting on the kids to pass out. Before they did we went up stairs and laid on the bed relaxing. I told her I would be right back be naked or atleast half naked when I come back. I went down stairs and came back up she still clothed..That's Alright So I lay with her and We end up talking she telling me How I made her sick and That she is not having sex with me Cause she doesn't Feel good So I shrug it off and let it go figuring whatever nothing new right? I end up coming back down stairs and making the kids follow cause she was sick and I wwanted her to get some sleep. .

I got up on yahoo again and started speaking to the one bbw blonde white female we were just chatting I made a few passes at her she said if I was single . She wants to be me and jamies friend. So I told her She was cool and I told her all our problems and my problems in this relationship she had no good advice cause she really could not help. My girl has been like this as long has I been with her. She then asked if I asked my Girl about a 3 some. I should say the bbw blonde on yahoo is BI and I told her on the real My girl is not like that she thinks it's nasty So that sucks..Cause IF I could have smashed in to the Blondes Pussy and ass and made her suck my dick I would have She said she wished she could help me out I told her I wish She could too. but it was ok. Anyway after all the talk and Her trying to give advice we said our good byes good nights sweet dreams shit.

I finally went up to bed but I could not sleep..I just couldn't so I went back down stiars and took out the trash cleaned the corner of the kitchen Sweept the living room. Thought about things..Made cereal and here I am now.. I think After this. I'll go shave I feel the hair on me growing and I need to get rid of it lol..Well that's it for now

I dunno what to call this.

Alright I have come to an conclusion about somehting I am Denying m GF as much as she is denying me I mean ok..I know she loves me and I love her But I think aside from the same ole same ole shit I am tired of. (like the same Rutine we do everyday and all the time) I think cause we are into different things. Or atleast she is not into what I am Then I do the same to her and deny her of things she wanna do ok like Lets start with sexual. I am into Gothic looking things. I wore nail polish before..That was it really Those black braclets and Spiked bands and shit like that. She like my ex thinks that's some freak shit and by freak she means like..Different shit she is not into . And Because I am black i should not be wearing shit like that. When did my race make for things i should and could wear? Then there is little things like movies she wants to watch straight up Horror I love horror and thrillers and shit but not like that. I want to watch other shit I wanna Share other shit with her One movie I watched alone would have loved to watch with her. but she said she is not into that kind of movie. It was the Curious Case of Benjahmen Button . But no no that kind of shit is not for her. So is it me or what we just different as all hell? I know people say some times Differences mix or some shit like that but.. I think in this case no. Okay that is just some normal shit off the top of my head.

Sexual shit..she has not denied me fucking any hole she has but she will fight for her ass not to be touched. She wont swallow...That's alright really..And she do not really suck dick at all and in this I have stoped eating pussy.. but I know if the female I am fucking has a nice pussy i will eat her out. I know from the other females I fucked I will with out a doubt. . Anyway her main thing is me to come in her pussy breed her knock her up and shit. That puts me in the hole for another fucking kid. And that means another Year or something I am forced with her..Am I right? And I know I say it like I do not wanna be here or being here is the worst thing ever. It is not really but BUT I think if we were not together there be better for us out there I know what I want in life she wants nothing to do with that kinda shit. and I know what she wants and I am not willing to give it. (Mainly if I have to stay) . And Yes I have tried talking to her she doesn't wanna hear her so there. lol..This is why I continue to just do what It is I do..I wont say I am not happy but I am not slap happy..I am ok with what I got I just know I can have much more and so could she .

I think of this if you were a female and You had the same run of the mill life with your BF and just did the same shit everyday Why would you wanna stay with him? Yeah you love him but...Is he boring you? Are you boring him. You rarely cook for him...When you wash clothes it is mainly the shit load of childrens clothes you brought of craigs list or something. never his shit and sometimes your shit. You pretty much leave him to dress like a bum and your self at times Yes your kids dress alright. but your man got fucked up gear leading him to wash his own shit all the time he cooks mainly and washes dishes cause you wont and you say you can't. All you two do is take care of the kids you got. You two never have time for each other with all the kids he is shooting into you and you wont use birth control nor will he use the male version of it(Fuck no i wont) ...Anyway Tell me how the hell is she happy? And Some where deep inside of her I know she gotta be feeling like I feel.