ARGH!!

Okay It's been awhile since I been on this name I suppose And awhile since I wrote about my family. So far what's going on is My mom has no where to live They took her kids her life is sucking more then mine. My spouse just gave birth to another baby that makes seven kids I take care of five of them mine and eating away at me killing me slowly. I am going crazy and crazier all the damn time. I can't even explain it cause it feels like I am saying the same shit over and over again that's how ridiclous it is really. My Sons all whine and scream like someone is killing them when they get mad or some dumb shit. My 360 is broken I feel so unnecessary So unneeded worthless. I am taking these pills I have not took in awhile and they didn't help at all when I did take them. Makes me feel like nothing works. Good this is I have a lawyer for my ssi bull shit...I dunno though I might not get it and I shall push further into depression I have no money I have nothing...I am pretty much nothing..

This other girl shit. It hasn't ended at all it's ridiculous I know it hurt her and I was trying to help a friend in need and the friend ends up being a crazy fuck who was trying to tell my girl I was fuckign her and she having a baby by me and she is not mind you. Now yes she is having a baby but not mine and yes with a black guy too. But my girl keeps nagging on about it. Saying I know you did things I know this and that that and this. My thing is Bitch I am with you what the fuck leave it alone. Stop bitching I am with you and you having another baby I do not want that shit you did. And I gave it..What the fuck? I am seriously thinking once I get my Check to move to the next city and just see my kids every now and again..I can't take the stress I get it is fucking killer. And I have not been having sex so that is not helping me in any way at all.

My Birthday week

Well I shall say this I did not think anything was going to happen on my b-day and I was right nothing happened not even the littlest things. I thought maybe Me and My Girl would well Fuck like Rabbits or I get my dick sucked hard or some shit..But no nothing happened at all I was some what amazed. Then the next day I had to work and the day after that and so on..So I mean Hell I got some money I guess...Maybe I shall buy myself something next..Wish I could find a cheap whore lol..No no Just kidding there.

There is this one chick I been talking to online but she knows my girl not in person only online so I wont fuck with her any way..Though I have met her and On the Real I would love to fuck her just lemme hit it from the back!!! FUCK! Man nothing is really happening though..MY other Friend from ohio T. She is Cool We need to hook up she is older like 50 but still we are like a good fucking match..I hit her pussy with the Wrath of GOD I'd Fill her pussy to the brim. But that wont happen for along time so. I'ma chill with it.

Another Sexless And Sleepless night

Well This was an night We stayed up for awhile talking me and My girl Waiting on the kids to pass out. Before they did we went up stairs and laid on the bed relaxing. I told her I would be right back be naked or atleast half naked when I come back. I went down stairs and came back up she still clothed..That's Alright So I lay with her and We end up talking she telling me How I made her sick and That she is not having sex with me Cause she doesn't Feel good So I shrug it off and let it go figuring whatever nothing new right? I end up coming back down stairs and making the kids follow cause she was sick and I wwanted her to get some sleep. .

I got up on yahoo again and started speaking to the one bbw blonde white female we were just chatting I made a few passes at her she said if I was single . She wants to be me and jamies friend. So I told her She was cool and I told her all our problems and my problems in this relationship she had no good advice cause she really could not help. My girl has been like this as long has I been with her. She then asked if I asked my Girl about a 3 some. I should say the bbw blonde on yahoo is BI and I told her on the real My girl is not like that she thinks it's nasty So that sucks..Cause IF I could have smashed in to the Blondes Pussy and ass and made her suck my dick I would have She said she wished she could help me out I told her I wish She could too. but it was ok. Anyway after all the talk and Her trying to give advice we said our good byes good nights sweet dreams shit.

I finally went up to bed but I could not sleep..I just couldn't so I went back down stiars and took out the trash cleaned the corner of the kitchen Sweept the living room. Thought about things..Made cereal and here I am now.. I think After this. I'll go shave I feel the hair on me growing and I need to get rid of it lol..Well that's it for now

I dunno what to call this.

Alright I have come to an conclusion about somehting I am Denying m GF as much as she is denying me I mean ok..I know she loves me and I love her But I think aside from the same ole same ole shit I am tired of. (like the same Rutine we do everyday and all the time) I think cause we are into different things. Or atleast she is not into what I am Then I do the same to her and deny her of things she wanna do ok like Lets start with sexual. I am into Gothic looking things. I wore nail polish before..That was it really Those black braclets and Spiked bands and shit like that. She like my ex thinks that's some freak shit and by freak she means like..Different shit she is not into . And Because I am black i should not be wearing shit like that. When did my race make for things i should and could wear? Then there is little things like movies she wants to watch straight up Horror I love horror and thrillers and shit but not like that. I want to watch other shit I wanna Share other shit with her One movie I watched alone would have loved to watch with her. but she said she is not into that kind of movie. It was the Curious Case of Benjahmen Button . But no no that kind of shit is not for her. So is it me or what we just different as all hell? I know people say some times Differences mix or some shit like that but.. I think in this case no. Okay that is just some normal shit off the top of my head.

Sexual shit..she has not denied me fucking any hole she has but she will fight for her ass not to be touched. She wont swallow...That's alright really..And she do not really suck dick at all and in this I have stoped eating pussy.. but I know if the female I am fucking has a nice pussy i will eat her out. I know from the other females I fucked I will with out a doubt. . Anyway her main thing is me to come in her pussy breed her knock her up and shit. That puts me in the hole for another fucking kid. And that means another Year or something I am forced with her..Am I right? And I know I say it like I do not wanna be here or being here is the worst thing ever. It is not really but BUT I think if we were not together there be better for us out there I know what I want in life she wants nothing to do with that kinda shit. and I know what she wants and I am not willing to give it. (Mainly if I have to stay) . And Yes I have tried talking to her she doesn't wanna hear her so there. lol..This is why I continue to just do what It is I do..I wont say I am not happy but I am not slap happy..I am ok with what I got I just know I can have much more and so could she .

I think of this if you were a female and You had the same run of the mill life with your BF and just did the same shit everyday Why would you wanna stay with him? Yeah you love him but...Is he boring you? Are you boring him. You rarely cook for him...When you wash clothes it is mainly the shit load of childrens clothes you brought of craigs list or something. never his shit and sometimes your shit. You pretty much leave him to dress like a bum and your self at times Yes your kids dress alright. but your man got fucked up gear leading him to wash his own shit all the time he cooks mainly and washes dishes cause you wont and you say you can't. All you two do is take care of the kids you got. You two never have time for each other with all the kids he is shooting into you and you wont use birth control nor will he use the male version of it(Fuck no i wont) ...Anyway Tell me how the hell is she happy? And Some where deep inside of her I know she gotta be feeling like I feel.

Asian Females

Ok This is more like a Want a Fantasy of Mine. I love ..Asian females And I have ever since I dunno when. I remember Far back my Dad brought home Japanese anime And I was so into it. Dirty Pair and Outlanders and Bubblegum Crisis Were the First animes I ever seenin my life. And I would Always Dream about bein apart of the Bubblegum Crisis Team With these Asian Women and Me being the Black guy Dating one of them. I always loved the Language The sound of it. I would always have to watch my Animes in Japanese with English Subs MAde me love the people even more.

Then as I grew Up I started watching old school Karate Vids I found most of them were all Chinese Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Al Chinese and seemed to love there culture half if not all there movies were based on tales of the History or just scened in China I loved the olden way they lived it seemed so simple and Easy like everyone had a place and played there roles Right. It seemed to have Order That was fun..not like order that was forced though Most of the films invoilved that Force happening.

Anime I came to find was Japanese So It hought that was really Cool Japan as Anime China as Real movies.Anyway As I said I love the way they speak and though I am into big females I love and lust BBW's So much it is unreal. I would love to be with a Asian female Whether Chinese or Japanese. Not because of there history mainly because of who they are small females thin long beautiful hair I love there HAIR >.< lol It is so hot.

Craigs List Shit

Ok I am on Crais list reading abunch of add. Cause you know I am looking for some pussy lol Anyway I come a across Bbw Post I read it see the pictures and Mmm Mmm I message her but I get a Mailer Demon saying she has not gotten my mail so i mail her a few times Then she finally gets my shit we talked like..Well hardly..But I am going to hang in there See if I can get some of that ass. I mean look at it she got some nice tits too. So I shall see how things Go and Hopefully I come back here with more pix of her and what we did together.

Thus far I got like..2 Females I just met off Craigs List one is Older like almost 40 and has a man but she said we can still have fun. The other is 40 and looking for more of a real thing...I can't promise that I mean I got a famil and My GIrl I might Fuck someone else but I would never give her up. So I guess i shall say something about that when I get to it Now this other Female near 40 I am hoping to be able to bring my Camera to that one and I would love to post them up on my flickr and here too maybe. I do not have a great fan base here so Far one girl and A Guy..Who maybe hjust said somethign that one time and one time only. Who knows.

Continue~~~~~

Next was the whole thing about babies how I want them I do not I want them with females I do not have to be with in long term Or maybe with a female who has an open relation or hell a slave type one or the other I suppose...I dunno. Anyway a Family member Came here Unexpected and she fliped on me like it was my fault When I had no clue I hate having Visitors frankly So why would I know this?.

This weeks..Shit

This week was most interesting . Or this month I sshould say really. We made up and all that good jazz things were going pretty good. like Sex and All these other things it was so good not the best but good enough. Anyway things that happen were kinda forgotten that is all good but you need to remember She is a Crazy ass Psycho-Bitch Who flips off at anything for anything no matter if it has to do with her or not. The things I speak on shall sound weird and stupid all around might make you laugh abit.



The one time we got into an argument was about a post on myspace. This Hawt girl was wearing like this...Sexy skimpy outfit so what I did was post a comment. Saying I wish my girl would wear something like that.. I was upstairs working out on my weight bench and here she comes talking about I saw that shit you posted on myspace At first I was more then puzzled. Then she explained what she meant .I laughed about it but she was upset about it.

The next thing. My cousin who is not really related to me. by blood was talking to my mom about chilling with me and so on. Now rumors are going on that he is cheating on his wife. I do not know if it is true or not I do not care frankly .Anyway I told my Girlfriend about this and she made it seem like she didn't care she said has long has he do not come over with his wife and she said go head call him i do not care. So I never Call him Then the day comes and I say imma call him she flips on me Saying no I don't want you talking to him I told you this already. When prior she said to call him. She then says why aint I good enough for you to talk to ? I told her flat out You and I are not into the same shit plain and simple So I am not wasting time to talk to you about hings you do not want to hear about. Then She used the excuss he cheats on his wife. Okay I would have liked to hear that one first not the other shit but oh well. tobe continued)

The blog deal

Today I have realized with things..nothing Is ever really going to be good in my life. I mean When I was younger hell when we all were younger we had so so so so much and then we get older and have all these problems...I think I do a good Job at shit though I try to atleast. Things about this blog I made sure About...No one ever knows my location unless I gave it to them And I doubt my Email is known either. I want Comments of all Kinda on all these blogs. nothing that shall be said can hurt me cause I know you all do not know me. And do not know my life..Cept what I tell you I mean Gimmie some feed back call me an ass hole call m a Loser I am just fueled to Keep typing and doing shit. Does it make you feel good? Do it..I just hope there are some out there who are understanding sometimes You fdall into something..And You are stuck in it. How many people Get married because they had no choice not cause they love someone and then they end up fucking up there life and everyone else? Eh well who cares...Life is..Life Mine is different then yours..


Anyway things are annoying I hink I said this before but shall say it again...Females in this area are to damn hard to come by I just want some..Release..Something.What are your thoughts? huh? Who cares...I am not looking for help or for someone to fall for me I am sharing this with all you..Maybe now you can all have something more to talk about during your daily rutine of life...That you get sucked into

This week

Okay Nothing new as happened atleast Nothing I think but I shall Say it all l anyway okay first my Ex Slave came up to my town rented a room for like 109 and I fucked her quickly. I found out she is knocked up by another guy. I do not really Care about that shit though. I am happy It is not mine.Though I fucked her alot and busted my load in her she never got knocked up...Now I am abit Worried About that cause I fuck my GF who wants another baby and she has yet to get preg..With her I have had 4 kids...and weirdly She has not gotten knocked up....I know I know I say i do not want more babies with her. but If I can't Get her preg then my Job has a Breeder is kinda Done..How can I breed if I am shooting blanks? How did this happen?..Is it even possible to happen? Like when I fucked my pet I would try to make my Cum not knock her up..And when I fuck my GF I sometimes think of The Ex -slave...Is my Cum reacting saying it's her push out the blacks Go go go go go! All Fakes GO!...I doubt that is Possible at all so..Yeah.

Aside from that..It is the hardest thing To do ..Up where I live It is nearly impossible to find a Female for some sort of..Well play Discretly Of course..I still wonder on why I try to cheat..What is wrong with me..I know alot of things are fucked up in my life but..I dunno is that a Good enough Reason? The only thing she doesn't Do the way other females and Good Cock sucking whores do is Suck my cock like Crazy...But oh well not all females Do as you want them to do..Right? I wont blame it all on her something..I must be doing something wrong too..

Now Here Comes the Shocker

Algiht You have been reading abit of my life for awhile now. Well..Here is something more you do not know about me I am into BDSM The Life Style into the D/s. I am into and Seeking to own Slaves (Females Only) For various Reasons.This is something else my Girl is against me on sadly. I mean she doesn't Understand If I had a Financial Slave We be pretty set. I would get money from her. And sort it out for her bills and For my own Needs. But she is To..I do not know..Selfish..Jealous Normal To want that or See the good in the out come. I have One long distance Slave She is black Amazing huh? A black feamle Slave non Bitchy and loud? lol..Steriotyping heh..And I have been Through about..Three altogether I think? One named...Eh Lemme leave that out She was a White female..Is a white female Young Girl in college She lied to me though. Even When I asked her to be honest just tell me I would be ok with it She still lied Without knowing she already Told me Along time ago. I met her through another White Female Who Desided not to vnture into a Relation with me because I was Black and her aunt would hate That..And Kick her out the house or.Disown her..My beliefe is If someone can Disown you so easily..They never loved you in the first place. That Hurt. But I Got over it..Cause I have to move on I can not Dwell on shit.

Another Female A White Girl She lives Slightly Closer then all of the others i speak with..She is Young to I think 18 Sexy white Girl. She has abit of medical Problems and I have not seen her in awhile Hopfully I shall soon though. I am hopping to have a House of Slaves. My Three or ..Two Wives And The rest Slaves For training Breeding, Sex, Anything I desire all and all. I am speaking to alot of Slaves. None Seem to have a real interest in me aside from friendship Mainly because They all live states away So I don't Stress it to much I mean IF i was speaking to one near me then..I would want to press it on abit. heh..Other then that I know afew Females Normal Seeming Girls That want me..Though I doubt all of then understand me and my Poly ways and Wants....Really I just want to fuck and impregnat ...Biuld my family biuld my life Pimp...Heh Live Happily. As some may say it.

This is the real Me. Looking back on how i was raised I am not to sure How I got this way but I think....I have a feeling on how with my mother being how she is. And Sex being all around me all my life (parents fucked like right infront of me) So this is who I am and I love it.

Life Aint all bad I guess.

Well okay. I say life is not all that bad cause I know this girl loves me. I think However she treats me mean...I do the same to her though I wont lie I attack her with..Words like she does to me but usually only after she does to me. And no time before. I think of leaving her every now and again...But..I think I am only wanting to for the wrong reasons Such as..Sex with other females. I have so many net Friends and so many who want me in that special way..And I wont lie It is tempting I think about it all the time. Though I do not think it is a good enough reason for me to leave my family. But I have had other pussy and nothing is better...Anyway I know i am wrong i can not leave on bullshit like that. All I can do is sit and wait and if Someone comes along maybe have a goodSide peice Or something. I know it's Wrong ...I can't Help it. I think I am..Just one who gets bored easily or maybe I ..Feel I need to have sex with many different females to make myself feel better? Who knows...

Aside from all of that...I don't know if I have more to say..I have my online friends a Female my most trusted female Friend..I love her alot she is cool..She helps my day sometime..Aside from the other females I know I never lie to her about anything Somepeople know nothing about my real life people I talk to on the net. But most kind of do..

Love Lost. New Lows

Well It has been sometime since my last post.My first post as well...Okay here it is I do not know If i said I had family Staying with me before This is making my GirlFriend ...I do not know mean to me and everyone She is on the computer like 80% of the day and if me or My family member is on it when she wishes to be on She flips out like she has people to talk to.

Okay as said before We went through some Rocky times with this other female thing I was talking about before. Now she is always online mailing men from online sites Who are looking for sex and or Girl friends and so on. But I am the bad guy She is doing what she said I did pretty much. So it is somewhat annoying to me. She goes on time to time About how she hates me and Still can't forgive me for this thing I! did.

Tonight she was on the phone since the Family member was on the computer (that is his kinda) And she was telling her sister how she wants us both out And She did better with out me when I was in the Hospital. She wsa doing better Struggling then When I was gone But now I am back she feeling I make her life misirabile..She talks on how she hates me and so on and so on.

She say's Things like I should leave her again and go with my mother To live with her I will be honest this..When she speaks like this it hurts my feelings but what makes it worst is she says things infront of..People who come to my house So I can't Cry it out of Hurt her I wont lie about it I am so tempted to punch her in the face sometimes but I am not that kind of male so...What can I do?

I think about leaving like she asks Me (Or tells me I should Say Cammands and orders me) But I have no where to go at all...I am young black male Normal Biuld not fat not Skinny at all I rarely Work any more. I am not hung like A horse so I can't Use sex to get what I want. ...Places I have been offered to go are.. Somewhere in pa...Or Ohio Two People are willing in ohio but only one has a place of ther own. Washiton....Mississippi..(Maybe) I think those are then only places I have...to go maybe if I have any.

Thinking about LEaving I am always brought to Tears I love my Children I think about the benefits of leaving then I think about the downside of never seeing my Son growing up..Missing out on everyday of his life..My daughters life My sons...What kind of man will there mother be with will he treat them right? Love them right? not hurt them....This makes me stay...I do not know what else I can do about anything like..Well with my life.

Right now She is trying to ban me from the computer I have been a Net guy for along time no way in hell Am I giving it up for her knowing she is going to stay on it speaking to these men. I spoke to her about me Gettign Circumcised Saying I was only thinking about it she said she does not care if i do it or not. But hen I told Her I wont do it. She gets upset (jokingly It seems) Saying things like I think your Scared I laugh and say Hell yeah Ot will hurt. And if I get a hard on it shall hurt like Hell. Due to the skin being there my Dick head has that extra senetive Feel about it I know sex would be different if I lost the Foreskin because when I am fucking I use the feeling of the head of my cock to like Cum Cause it feels so so good lol. So I do not know..I doubt I shall Get it Done.

Another Funny things she talks about how she wishs to marry me and then she talks about all this stuff (I wrote prior) So..I mean what the hell? I assume life with me is so bad..I make her hate me That is all I can think.

I would love feed badck on this from anyone ..Have a nice day.

Thoughts

Okay So far life is alright I have my kids my Girl a house (Rent) A job (part time work two days a week sometimes one.) uh...Lets see I guess I am healthy lol I know I have no STD's at all so that is a plus and as Far as I know my girl doesn't Cheat on me. I am however bored with the life I lead. Like ok This life I have is so Vanilla. Plain and sometimes abit depressing ,like I have my Girl Friend she is mainly into alot of normal stuff She is Pretty great sexually pleasing though boring with day to day things. We have alot of kids and it gives us no chance to do things like normal couples should. Like Go out to the clubs go to movies (we watch movies on the net sometimes though) Eat out You know Do normal things like that. Recently we hit a snag in our relationship Something that involved another Female And it almost destroyed us. So now were trying to work things back together though I am finding it hard. She has changed alot She tries to keep me in the house keep me locked up like a prisoner I can't Talk to anyone eespecially a female Cause if I do I am planing to cheat or something Truth be told I am not. But her thoughts are saying I am. Now on the boring part I am bored with her like Okay I like having Choices in anything and everything I do. This inclued sex with different partners (all females) So you know. That makes our relationship so hard to do...To deal with At times I wish to leave But we have these kids and I wont lie I cry when I think Of them growing up with out me It kill me alot. so I do not leave I just stay and allow things to go how they are. Like We argue and she says things like She wishes I would leave and never come back she wishes I never came back into her life. She had a better life with out me. This and that and this If you have heard it once you have heard it all before. Now this is all stuff that hurts me Deeply but what Can I do leave? Miss out of my kids?...That shit would hurt like..I don't know nothing I have ever felt before. Well okay that is all for now. time to get back to my daily life. I shall continue later.