Love Lost. New Lows

Well It has been sometime since my last post.My first post as well...Okay here it is I do not know If i said I had family Staying with me before This is making my GirlFriend ...I do not know mean to me and everyone She is on the computer like 80% of the day and if me or My family member is on it when she wishes to be on She flips out like she has people to talk to.

Okay as said before We went through some Rocky times with this other female thing I was talking about before. Now she is always online mailing men from online sites Who are looking for sex and or Girl friends and so on. But I am the bad guy She is doing what she said I did pretty much. So it is somewhat annoying to me. She goes on time to time About how she hates me and Still can't forgive me for this thing I! did.

Tonight she was on the phone since the Family member was on the computer (that is his kinda) And she was telling her sister how she wants us both out And She did better with out me when I was in the Hospital. She wsa doing better Struggling then When I was gone But now I am back she feeling I make her life misirabile..She talks on how she hates me and so on and so on.

She say's Things like I should leave her again and go with my mother To live with her I will be honest this..When she speaks like this it hurts my feelings but what makes it worst is she says things infront of..People who come to my house So I can't Cry it out of Hurt her I wont lie about it I am so tempted to punch her in the face sometimes but I am not that kind of male so...What can I do?

I think about leaving like she asks Me (Or tells me I should Say Cammands and orders me) But I have no where to go at all...I am young black male Normal Biuld not fat not Skinny at all I rarely Work any more. I am not hung like A horse so I can't Use sex to get what I want. ...Places I have been offered to go are.. Somewhere in pa...Or Ohio Two People are willing in ohio but only one has a place of ther own. Washiton....Mississippi..(Maybe) I think those are then only places I have...to go maybe if I have any.

Thinking about LEaving I am always brought to Tears I love my Children I think about the benefits of leaving then I think about the downside of never seeing my Son growing up..Missing out on everyday of his life..My daughters life My sons...What kind of man will there mother be with will he treat them right? Love them right? not hurt them....This makes me stay...I do not know what else I can do about anything like..Well with my life.

Right now She is trying to ban me from the computer I have been a Net guy for along time no way in hell Am I giving it up for her knowing she is going to stay on it speaking to these men. I spoke to her about me Gettign Circumcised Saying I was only thinking about it she said she does not care if i do it or not. But hen I told Her I wont do it. She gets upset (jokingly It seems) Saying things like I think your Scared I laugh and say Hell yeah Ot will hurt. And if I get a hard on it shall hurt like Hell. Due to the skin being there my Dick head has that extra senetive Feel about it I know sex would be different if I lost the Foreskin because when I am fucking I use the feeling of the head of my cock to like Cum Cause it feels so so good lol. So I do not know..I doubt I shall Get it Done.

Another Funny things she talks about how she wishs to marry me and then she talks about all this stuff (I wrote prior) So..I mean what the hell? I assume life with me is so bad..I make her hate me That is all I can think.

I would love feed badck on this from anyone ..Have a nice day.